Can Desi Hookups Lead to Lasting Relationships?

It's All About Relationships

Desi Angst:

Does a Couple Hookup lead to Happily Ever After?

Every now and then, a woman needs a good hookup but the question is can you expect more from it?  I don’t know about you, but when I meet someone, I know right away if I am going to sleep with them or not.  If I am not feeling it within the first 10 seconds, then I move on.   The only guys that I hookup with are the guys that I potentially want to marry.  I mean seriously, I wouldn’t want to marry a guy I wouldn’t want to hook up with.  That doesn’t make any sense.   I feel that getting naked is always the best part of the date, but is it a good idea?  It can be, if you absolutely need your hormonal desire quenched.   Unfortunately, in the dating world, not everyone feels the same way as I do.

Are there Victorian morals towards casual sex amongst desis ?

In the American culture, according to a new study of 321 couples from the University of Iowa, 17 percent of couples now begin as a hookup.   The study suggests that people who were open to being in a serious relationship, regardless about whether they waited to have sex or they had sex right away, found no difference in relationship quality.

I am not sure what the percentage of desi couples is, however I can assume that it is a lot less due to the fact that there is still a stigma attached to one night stands especially before a healthy connection is made.  Desis come from varied views of dating and matrimony.  Our culture still has a certain amount of traditionalism that is not practiced by every desi,  so confusion and lack of compatibility arise when meeting and mingling in a social setting.

Desi Relationships & Casual Sex

I do believe that you can establish a great connection after having great sex within the first couple of dates.  However, you should be on the same page as your man and both of you should feel an instant connection.  As a modern desi, you should find a man who believes that it is acceptable for women as well as men to have casual sex.  Men should be open-minded so that they don’t automatically dismiss you as girlfriend material.

You should also go into the hookup with zero expectations and be prepared for the worst.  After all, we are living in a world where no one is responsible for anyone else.  If you get dumped afterward, it should be looked at as a fun night with no strings attached.

I believe that testing a guy on how much he is into you is very important.  You will be surprised at how many men are walking around, waiting for a random booty call.  Make sure that he calls you more than once a week, he shows interest in taking you out to dinner, concerts or Broadway shows.  If there is no time to test him, as you may want him in your bed immediately, then just hope for the best.

There is something very cozy and very sexy about two people lying naked in bed sharing innermost secrets and darkest dreams, all the while sipping bubbly champagne.  Being naked allows the truth to come out.  It happens all the time.  When you are most vulnerable, you are usually naked.  This allows men to get attracted to your real self.  No secrets and no cover-ups.

The Desi Sex and the City Approach

Getting close instantly can be fun.  But beware; you may see things that you don’t like.  For example, a harsh temper, poor coping skills, anti-social personality disorder, to name a few.  That is when you have to decide:  is great sex enough to keep you tied or is cutting losses your best option?

As you enjoy sleeping together, you also have to understand that expectations do start to develop.  Can you handle his expectations?  Or more importantly, can he handle your expectations?  These are all things that you have to keep in mind before getting connected using the Sex and the City approach.

XOXO
Monica Marwah

Monica Marwah, a single desi who writes about the experience

( Monica Marwah is a 30-something school psychologist  in Philadelphia.  After wandering the singles scene for years, she learned invaluable lessons on life, dating and relationships.  Now comfortably living life in her 30’s, she is sharing her own experiences on what it is like to break away from the traditional desi trend and live a life of your own. )

Related Articles:

The Failproof Desi Guide to Relationships
Desi Relationships – Heartbreak Hotel
Desi Girl’s Guide to Living Single and Loving It
Is Living in Sin the New Desi Thing?

What do you think?  What’s been your worst experience ever?